Insufficiently Early

The dialogue In Wes Anderson’s movies is crisp, clever and often contains imaginative insight. In The French Dispatch, Roebuck Wright arrived for a dinner party “insufficiently early.” He showed up at Police Headquarters early, but because the building was so large and confusing, he was late for his meal in The Private Dining Room of the Police Commissioner.

The word combination of insufficiently with early prompted two new thoughts with me. The first is it ever necessary to be more than sufficiently early - say extra early?

A case for being extra early was made in an illustration from the old Franklin Covey training. The facilitator would ask, “If I promised you a $1M tax free, and all you had to do was be at a specific location by 2 pm next Tuesday, would you be there on time? How early would you leave? How would you ensure you were there on time?”

It was a hypothetical exercise to construct the mindset to take ownership for being early. It drove home the point, you could be on time if it was important enough to you. The problem with this exercise is that implies you should be extra early for everything. To ensure you were there on time, you’d arrive hours ahead and patiently wait for $1M. I’m not sure that’s the best use of our time.

The second thought prompted by the two word phrase is the agency it implies. Roebuck Wright didn’t blame his tardiness on external circumstances. It wasn’t the building’s confusing layout that caused him to be late, it was because he didn’t plan for that and was insufficiently early enough to overcome that obstacle. He owned it.

Being exactly on time is a narrow needle to thread. The real choice in life is are you going to be early or late and by how much.

SPECTRUM OF ARRIVING ON TIME

• Extra Early - Leave early enough to overcome MAJOR obstacles that appear on your journey.

• Sufficiently Early - Leave early enough to overcome MINOR obstacles

• Insufficiently Early - Leave to arrive on time, but with no room for obstacles. Everything must go right to arrive on time.

• Late - No chance to arrive on time.

I prefer to be early. I find it stressful to be late, and I don’t like to make others wait on me. On the other side of the spectrum, I know people who appear to be proud of always being late. It seems that they like to broadcast that they are so important that every minute of their schedule is filled with extremely essential activities.

What's New and Exciting

That’s my father’s go-to question. Typically, my first reaction is, “Not much, same old, same old.” As he developed Alzheimer’s, the question has become more and more prevalent. He often asks it again within three minutes.

I take these moments as a challenge to always have something new to say. After all, he’s trying to strike up a conversation, and “not much” doesn’t go anywhere, so I plan to have something ready to talk about.

Getting together with friends for dinner, one of them asked me, “What’s new?” I thought of my dad, smiled, paused, overcame my “not much” instinct, and started a conversation.

That was a break-through moment for me. The intention behind what’s new is simply to start a conversation. I can create stronger connections with others, by having engaging answers ready to go, and on the other side of the interaction, ask an easier prompt to get people talking.

ENGAGING ANSWERS TO WHAT’S NEW

• EVENTS. Think through your upcoming calendar. What event do you have coming up that you can share. It can truly be exciting, “My wife and I are heading to Florida in two weeks.” Simply routine, “I’ve been taking a spin class a couple times a week.” Or even not confirmed yet, “I’ve been trying to get together with my son, but his schedule is so busy.”
• CONTENT. What content have you recently consumed that you keep thinking about. Music, movies, TV, books, articles, podcasts? Something new you recently learned or a fun fact. Careful not to Cliff Clavon it by droning on with boring facts.
• PROJECTS. David Allen defines projects as anything requiring more than one step. What projects have you recently completed, currently working on, or planning to start. Like events, they can be big “We’re renovating our basement” or mundane “I just changed the oil in my car.”
• CONUNDRUMS. What issues have you been working on solving? “I just replaced my water heater, and I’m not sure how to get rid of the old one.” Or bizarre what ifs, “I’ve been thinking a lot about statistics lately. What if you had the power to see one statistic hovering over every person’s head, what would you want it to be?”

A good conversation is balanced, so when you share, give 3-7 sentences then ask a question back. When I was going skydiving with my daughter and son, my answer was really short, “I’m going skydiving with my daughter and son in two weeks. Have you ever been?” I was amazed how many of my friends had been or thought about going, but that we never talked about it before.

Which leads into the other side of the interaction, ask good questions. How are you? and What’s new? typically don’t get things going. To get interesting answers, ask interesting questions.

BETTER PROMPTS

• Use the reverse of the categories above. What’s coming up on your calendar? When was the last time you talked to ....? What have you been reading lately? What projects are you thinking of starting?
• What are your thoughts on... (tacos, classic rock, aliens...)
• How do you... (deal with an angry customer, keep yourself from getting hangry, discover new music)
• What’s your ____ routine? (morning, exercise, talking to your family)
• Do you know... (many doctors, any famous people, someone who is missing a finger)
• Have you ever... (climbed a mountain, been really close to lightning, eaten with chopsticks)
• When was a time you... (felt scared, saw awesome fireworks, mistook a stranger for someone you knew or you were mistaken for someone else)

Listen to the questions around you, think of questions that encourage people to talk about themselves, experiment, watch for reactions, refine, and enjoy richer conversations.

Study How to Communicate

"I work with some really smart people, and many of them can't communicate worth a damn. If you figure out how to help others share their ideas effectively, you'll do alright." That was my grandfather's encouraging advice when I switched my degree program to English.

I hadn't given my change in direction that much thought. Honestly, I just liked my English classes, and mostly the professors, better than my Political Science classes. I knew I didn't want to teach, and many friends and family were concerned that an English degree without a teaching certificate wouldn't do me much good. Not my grandfather. He saw a need.

That wasn't a bright lightbulb moment where suddently my life had clarity and purpose. It was more like don't worry, things will work out, and you'll be fine. But that conversation has really stuck with me for over 30 years.

His advice played a role in me deciding to continue my education and get a Masters degree in Industrial Technology - a very different program than my liberal arts undergraduate. That program taught me new technical languages - statistics, process improvement, design, manufacturing.

His advice gave me confidence when I transitioned from working in housing and food service at Purdue University to training buying and merchandising teams at May Department stores. That experience taught me new business languages - assortment planning, sell throughs, margins, and pricing. The pattern repeated as I gained experiences in human resources and store operations.

My English degree has served me well, but most of the credit goes to my grandfather's advice. He planted that seed for me to be curious and observe how people share their ideas, to listen to what others are really saying, and to help them reframe and polish their ideas to get more traction. He was right, and there's still a need.